Life in Groningen

Friday, February 09, 2007

IKEA is evil

Went to IKEA yesterday and the only thing I could think about was how fucking scary the store was. It's demonic in it's design. First you've got the welcoming entrance and a nice layout of the store (which is evil in it's enormity). Then you start walking. The standard route takes you through the entire fucking store. It takes so long you get desorientated and hungry. I'd strongly advice against taking the "shortcuts" too. They make you pop up halfway the other sections which is even more desorientating and will make you double back without knowing it. And the place itself man.... It's scary like mofo. It's like they thought of everything, yet you can't help but feel like they only think that they thought about everything but missed something. Yet you cen't quite put your finger on it. I mean, they even got a "kids toilet" and steps in front of one of the sinks! It's creepy. And the bathroom smells steryle but when you take another sniff it's not the usual toilet kind of clean. It smells of hospital sterillity, it gave me the heeby-jeebies. Then when you leave behind the good part of the store (if there is anything good about IKEA) you're so hungry you must waist 11 euro's on a silly fish or some sandwiches at the small restaurant which, quite demonically so, is as steryle as the toilet... scary. And after the restaurant and the first part of the store when you've already decided that you'll buy 1000 euro's worth of crap you don't actually need (you were just there for a bedside lamp) you end up in the "selfservice" area. Which is no more than a big hangar stuck to the building that resembles the avarage DIY superstore. Nothing cosy nor a nice color, all grey and stacks upon stacks of cheap crap. And the exit isn't all that either. Actually the IKEA exit is the most horrible store exit I've ever seen in my life! THAT's the Swedish demon that is IKEA. Sweet-talking you into buying crap you don't need and even if you have the hart not to buy that shit you'll still pay 11 euro's for a meal at the end cause it took too damn long to get through the store.

There you have it IKEA is EVIL, and it's not the Fidel Castro kind of evil either. It's that 666, pentagrams, lucifers possé, Stalin, Hitler, slavery 'n massmurder kind of evil.

-E, aka: He who survived IKEA, yet was too poor to spend money on their restaurant so had to go to the McDonalds next door.